this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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