Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
