I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
