Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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