I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
