Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
