maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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