i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
