I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we're making bets on your personal life
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
