Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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