question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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