Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
