Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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