Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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