your parents love me but you hate me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
