You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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