trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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