girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
