Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
