Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
