I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
