New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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