Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
as a side note pls kill me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
