Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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