I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
