Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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