just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
