He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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