i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize