Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
