He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
