He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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