Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
