his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize