cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
they need to just BURY HIM!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
