My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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