In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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