oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
