Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
