I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
