Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
