ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
