Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
