Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
