I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
