You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
