I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize