Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
