Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
