You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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