I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
