in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
