I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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