just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
