so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize