the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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