whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
my liver is dry heaving
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
