i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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