I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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