I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
