redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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