Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
