I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
